Ch. 34| To Reign or not to Rein

 

I celebrated my 34th birthday on March 19th with some family and close friends. Since it fell on a Sunday the festivities were brunch at Kitchen 713 followed by Sunday funday shenanigans. The night was capped off with an intimate dinner at my current favorite restaurant here in Houston, Steak 48. The seating adjacent to the kitchen give me a vibe I can’t deny!

I always look forward to my birthday as do most. This year was a little different. The weeks leading up were very difficult emotionally. I was sad, and frustrated yet I could not pinpoint why.  I had just moved into a house, I got my car back after being in a fender bender, I had my health, same good bunch of friends and I was still with the love of my life. I was employed, blog was coming along, and my loved ones were all in good health. Life wasn’t perfect but it was better than good.

Yet, I was constantly wrestling with this feeling of discontentment. I had plans to take some professional photos and was planning a soft blog launch event. None of which took place. It got so bad that a few days before my birthday I was driving home from Wal-Mart and texted a good friend these words “I’m miserable!” In the texts to follow I found myself venting about my relationship and everything else. I was doing the most because I failed to rein in those thoughts. I had let my feelings at the moment dictate how I would respond. Being adamant about everyone else’s position and state of mind I continued on this rant in an effort to explain WHY I was miserable,  to no fault of my own of course. When in fact all I was doing was having a pity party manipulating the circumstances to be in my favor. This was not intentional but I now know that is exactly what I was doing. The weeks leading up to that moment served as a trail to the bait and I took it the moment I texted those words.

The next morning, after a lengthy text conversation which was followed by a heart to heart with Jesus on the way to work, I realized that the person I was disappointed with was myself. This isn’t to say that I did not have legit concerns or issues to address with others. But ultimately I had forfeited the right to be in control by not holding myself accountable. Allowing feelings to dictate how we will respond is like being on a float in the ocean. You start right where the waves meet the shore and the next thing you know you’ve drifted out to sea trying to figure out how you got there so quickly. I was in the middle of the ocean surrounded by all these fleeting feelings I invited to stay for way too long.

Taking inventory of our lives is necessary. Especially when it comes to our emotions.  We must continuously ensure that we are taking good care of our heart. It is the wellspring of life and yet it is still flesh operating from a fragile nature. Therefore, we must not neglect the mind. We know all too well that our mind and heart do not always operate on one accord. Nevertheless, the battle is always fought on the battlefield of the mind for the heart to be won!  I had to ask myself some where the rubber meets the road questions. Truthfully, there was a time in my life where unfortunately, I was absolutely miserable but failed to acknowledge it in order to overcome it timely. My life during that season looked very different. As I say often “it’s all perspective”! That is why I needed to ask myself those questions. For starters:

1. What does misery look like?
2. Does my current life look like that picture?
3. Is anyone forcing me to do something I do not want to?
4. Am I living out what I know I should be?

The words we choose to describe something are powerful and can either build or destroy. So often we use words without really taking into consideration if they’re the best choice to be applied at that time. Thoughts become words and words become actions. We must rein in those negative thoughts as soon as possible. The longer we entertain them the more comfortable we become with their presence. It becomes more difficult to think clearly if all we’re doing is being ruled by our emotions and no longer doing the ruling!

Had I not gotten myself back on track and continued to believe the lie that I was miserable, my life would’ve started to take on the shape of one that truly was. I would not have been able to enjoy my 34th birthday or any day while in that state of mind. There will be other times when I will have to fight for control. There will be times again when I will lose that battle because I chose to quit. We can always bounce back as long as we are intentional about doing so. As long as we pay attention to how far we’ve begun to drift away from the safety of the shore we will not find ourselves in danger of being lost.

The question we must ask ourselves daily is “To reign or not to rein?”A Queen mentality does not exempt us from frustrations, struggle or emotional warfare. When the crown gets set aside and we have given up control, the war is not lost. The battle however does indeed become longer and more difficult.

I look forward to another year of love, joy and peace within myself first and as a result the same to overflow into the lives of others.

Be Blessed

B