Ch. 34| To Reign or not to Rein

 

I celebrated my 34th birthday on March 19th with some family and close friends. Since it fell on a Sunday the festivities were brunch at Kitchen 713 followed by Sunday funday shenanigans. The night was capped off with an intimate dinner at my current favorite restaurant here in Houston, Steak 48. The seating adjacent to the kitchen give me a vibe I can’t deny!

I always look forward to my birthday as do most. This year was a little different. The weeks leading up were very difficult emotionally. I was sad, and frustrated yet I could not pinpoint why.  I had just moved into a house, I got my car back after being in a fender bender, I had my health, same good bunch of friends and I was still with the love of my life. I was employed, blog was coming along, and my loved ones were all in good health. Life wasn’t perfect but it was better than good.

Yet, I was constantly wrestling with this feeling of discontentment. I had plans to take some professional photos and was planning a soft blog launch event. None of which took place. It got so bad that a few days before my birthday I was driving home from Wal-Mart and texted a good friend these words “I’m miserable!” In the texts to follow I found myself venting about my relationship and everything else. I was doing the most because I failed to rein in those thoughts. I had let my feelings at the moment dictate how I would respond. Being adamant about everyone else’s position and state of mind I continued on this rant in an effort to explain WHY I was miserable,  to no fault of my own of course. When in fact all I was doing was having a pity party manipulating the circumstances to be in my favor. This was not intentional but I now know that is exactly what I was doing. The weeks leading up to that moment served as a trail to the bait and I took it the moment I texted those words.

The next morning, after a lengthy text conversation which was followed by a heart to heart with Jesus on the way to work, I realized that the person I was disappointed with was myself. This isn’t to say that I did not have legit concerns or issues to address with others. But ultimately I had forfeited the right to be in control by not holding myself accountable. Allowing feelings to dictate how we will respond is like being on a float in the ocean. You start right where the waves meet the shore and the next thing you know you’ve drifted out to sea trying to figure out how you got there so quickly. I was in the middle of the ocean surrounded by all these fleeting feelings I invited to stay for way too long.

Taking inventory of our lives is necessary. Especially when it comes to our emotions.  We must continuously ensure that we are taking good care of our heart. It is the wellspring of life and yet it is still flesh operating from a fragile nature. Therefore, we must not neglect the mind. We know all too well that our mind and heart do not always operate on one accord. Nevertheless, the battle is always fought on the battlefield of the mind for the heart to be won!  I had to ask myself some where the rubber meets the road questions. Truthfully, there was a time in my life where unfortunately, I was absolutely miserable but failed to acknowledge it in order to overcome it timely. My life during that season looked very different. As I say often “it’s all perspective”! That is why I needed to ask myself those questions. For starters:

  1. What does misery look like?
  2. Does my current life look like that picture?
  3. Is anyone forcing me to do something I do not want to?
  4. Am I living out what I know I should be?

The words we choose to describe something are powerful and can either build or destroy. So often we use words without really taking into consideration if they’re the best choice to be applied at that time. Thoughts become words and words become actions. We must rein in those negative thoughts as soon as possible. The longer we entertain them the more comfortable we become with their presence. It becomes more difficult to think clearly if all we’re doing is being ruled by our emotions and no longer doing the ruling!

Had I not gotten myself back on track and continued to believe the lie that I was miserable, my life would’ve started to take on the shape of one that truly was. I would not have been able to enjoy my 34th birthday or any day while in that state of mind. There will be other times when I will have to fight for control. There will be times again when I will lose that battle because I chose to quit. We can always bounce back as long as we are intentional about doing so. As long as we pay attention to how far we’ve begun to drift away from the safety of the shore we will not find ourselves in danger of being lost.

The question we must ask ourselves daily is “To reign or not to rein?”A Queen mentality does not exempt us from frustrations, struggle or emotional warfare. When the crown gets set aside and we have given up control, the war is not lost. The battle however does indeed become longer and more difficult.

I look forward to another year of love, joy and peace within myself first and as a result the same to overflow into the lives of others.

Be Blessed

B

 

 

 

PSA | Planning Progress and Pressure

 

The past few weeks have been a blur for me. I have not gotten any type of routine down after moving out of my apartment of seven years. Although I have more space in my new home I still have not designated a “reflection area”. This is an issue for me because I produce best when I’m in my zone.  I’m easily distracted to say the least. Therefore, I must be separated from the noise. If I could improve in one area of my life it would definitely be my ability to “cancel out the noise”. Not just the volume of the television or music being played, but all the thoughts I am trying to process at one time. What I need to do at home, why I need to do it, rehearsing how I’m going to address someone, trying to determine how I’ll get all my  work done etc. Too many tabs are open at one time as they are for the majority of us women today irrespective of profession and or marital status.

My sister and a few of my friends are in the event planning business. Quite frankly, I do not see how they do it. Planning an event from start to finish, from conception to execution literally gives me anxiety. Planning is not my strongpoint. So much of who I am is being able to go with the flow even if the current suddenly changes. While this definitely has its benefits, it also makes it very difficult to stay focused on one task at a time. This blog is proving that to be even truer than I realized.  I have to be intentional about posting and what direction I want to go in. If you were to ask me what my goal is for Bubbling Brooke three , six  and nine months from now and how I plan on achieving those goals, I honestly couldn’t tell you the specifics. That’s a harsh reality but I acknowledge it so that I can overcome it. This isn’t because I do not have a vision. My vision has not changed. I started this blog with the intent to be as transparent as I can about the woman I’ve become and the journey to arrive at this point,  hoping to inspire other women along the way with hard truths, love and the joys I’ve discovered.  This will never change because it is the most authentic way I can be. What has to change is my approach or else I will not produce what I know I am capable of. I won’t’ reach the women I know need to be reached. I won’t grow in the areas where I’ve been stagnant.  Everything is resting on my ability to plan ahead and follow through.

At the same time, I cannot become so fixated on what the future will look like, that I neglect the necessary reflection on the progress I’ve already made.  Our society places so much focus on what still needs to be done. So much that we may not produce the fruit we should because we fail to see what our progress looks like. How effective can I be in the future without first recognizing what I’ve already accomplished? What am I building on? Bricks are layered not only set side by side.  When I realized my planning deficiency immediately I began setting goals. Well, the problem with that was, I didn’t know where to start. There was no flow to them. I was all over the place which was frustrating to say the least. Once I took a minute to actually put into perspective the goals I’ve already accomplished, the topics I’ve discussed and the feedback I’ve received, it became that much easier for me to set additional short-term goals.  Proper planning and progress reflection are both essential to dealing with the pressure of achieving the level of success determined by oneself .

Pressure is almost always self-inflicted initially. Outside pressure only becomes a factor when we have not taken the necessary steps towards the goal. When we’ve not done what we should have. This is true in both personal and professional areas of our lives. I find that in my professional life when I am asked to provide detail on a specific project, where I have not been as proactive as I should have been, the pressure seems to go from a normal 4 or 5 to a whole 10. Not because my boss is applying the pressure but simply because I failed to plan and assess my progress,  leaving me in a “not ready” state when asked to deliver.  Most of the time I stay on my toes though. We all know the saying “If you stay ready you won’t have to get ready”. I’ve had so many people ask me questions related to the vision tangibles of Bubbling Brooke that I was not prepared to answer. I guess part of me is surprised that I’m even being asked such specific questions like “do you plan on monetizing?”, “will you have any fashion and travel posts?”, “Will there be any features?”. Don’t get me wrong I have a constant tab open with those questions but my lack of planning, and progress assessment left me so lost. Furthermore, what I realized is that I have a responsibility to myself and those who support  me simply because they love me. As well as to those who believe in this purpose driven adventure for whatever their reason may be. It is a responsibility to see it through to fruition. To properly go about this thing with an execution that matches the passion. I thought just taking the leap was enough. I was okay with that small victory but really I was comfortable with it because it was all I was ready for.

I am totally out of my element in my house right now and in this blog arena. But at one point I am certain the butterfly must’ve thought the cocoon was the place of death. Instead we all now that its true purpose in all that makes it uncomfortable and even scary is transformation. It is beautifully designed that way as is this journey that I will continue on. Only now I know that it will require me to properly plan, evaluate my progress and handle pressure effectively so that I will stay ready.

My affirmation for the week is obvious

“I will stay ready so that I will not have to get ready”.

What are some of the ways you set goals and plan for the future?

BB

 

PSA: Just WIN!!

 

By now the world knows that once again the New England Patriots are Super bowl champions. Football isn’t my favorite sport but I am a sports fan. So, while I do not have any personal investment in the Atlanta Falcons or New England Patriots, I respect winners. Tom Brady’s name is synonymous with winning period.

Like most, you either love him or hate him. Isn’t that how it goes? No matter how successful he has been there’s someone who will try to discredit his achievements. I woke up with this on my mind as we start a new week. If we are going to go through life and set any type of goal for ourselves with the end result being success, we are going to have naysayers. There will be those people who no matter what you do, or how you do it will find fault in what you’ve worked your butt off to accomplish. And you know what, that’s probably the best way to know you’re doing something right. At the end of the day, all you got to do is win! Just win! Whatever that looks like for you…

We can learn a lot from Tom Brady’s road to success. He wasn’t a top pick in the draft. As a matter of fact the man was picked 199th in the sixth round! Now you do not have to know a lot about football to know that being picked 199th in anything is not something to be desired. Can you imagine the doubt that was settling in his mind at the time? Even if it was only for one second that one little seed of doubt could’ve changed his entire path had he chosen to believe it

Fast forward 16 years later, he’s a five time Super bowl champion and once again the MVP (Most Valuable Player) of the game. Some might argue he’s the greatest football player of all time not just the greatest QB to ever play the game. It’s a valid argument, not one I am prepared to debate.

What I am prepared to say this morning is that despite how much success he’s had in his career. It still will not be enough to silence those who refuse to acknowledge it or accept that he’s earned it. It never will be.

The same goes for us. We will never be able to please everyone, or prove to everyone that we deserve our success because we put in the work. Nah, someone gave it to us, or we cheated, or we must have thrown someone in the office under the bus to get the promotion. Even before the success comes to fruition there will be those who will only see us as that 199th pick and will feed the same doubt that we’re working so hard to overcome in our own minds.

I’ve come to a place where I realize that no matter the journey, no matter the obstacles and naysayers along the road to success that we will endure, there’s something impossible to deny, and that is winning! I hope this week each of you will make it a point to continue perfecting your craft and prove them wrong.

My affirmation this week is

“I believe in myself more than anyone else”

Take a page from Tom Brady’s book and win! Again and again and again and again…..

BB

 

 

For The First Time In My Life

Since I introduced Bubbling Brooke two weeks ago, I have been filled with all kinds of emotions. I have felt everything from gratefulness to anxiety and of course a little self-doubt.  Ok maybe more than a little.

But, to keep it all the way 100 for the first time in my adult life I have felt INSPRIED.

Whether we like to admit it or not, we live in an achievement based world for validation.  When you first meet someone probably not soon after the name introductions, the question will be asked, “So, what do you do?” We answer with the excitement levels ranging from enthusiasm to straight up grunts. You can find me somewhere in the middle. Not fully enthused because I’ve always felt I was purposed to do something else besides go to work and pay bills. Let me be clear, I intentionally chose not to use the word “more” because coming from where I come from and the things I’ve done, I have achieved more than I should have and I am forever grateful. In the future I may take y’all on that journey. *Insert Hallelujah praise*

From the big screen to social media there’s someone in our face balling, beautiful or both. If we’re not careful we can succumb to the feeling of discontentment that will lead us to drift further and further away from what inspires us and ultimately who we are destined to be. By nature we’re already discontented souls but the pressures of feeling unaccomplished or undesirable in life can weigh heavy.

Don’t get me wrong, I ‘ve been interested in many things as it relates to my personal growth, career, and even health for the sake of accomplishment.  I’ve even taken steps necessary to get the ball rolling in order to pursue degrees, licenses and complete the infamous Instagram challenges. You know the ones, 21 days of being a vegan just to go eat a steak or Popeye’s on day 22.  Unfortunately, I have left every single one to roll off into the land of nowhere.

For example, in 2013 I went back like I forgot something to finish the remaining hours I needed to obtain my Cosmetology license, a journey that started in 2008.  After scoring a 92 on the Texas written exam on my first attempt I was on my way!! I was determined to finish something I had started for once. Really it was mainly because that’s what everyone said I should be doing. Which I realize now was all the reason I needed to walk away. I purchased my kit and paid for the state board practical test.  Deep inside, I knew I did not want to be a professional hairstylist if the only reason I would is because I was good at it, knowing that my heart was not in it. In all actuality I did not prefer it over my current 9 to 5.  So once again, I dropped the ball and let it roll off into the land of nowhere. Leaving me to think I was not capable of seeing something through.

That was the lie I told myself. That was the lie I believed. No one has ever told me that. All my family and friends supported me. So why did I plant that seed and water it for so long?

What I know now is there was no inspiration involved. Some people are disciplined enough to do things they may not really feel anything for. I need to feel it and feel it deeply. That’s just who I am…not how I am. For many like me, what happens is that our insecurities come block what we need from ourselves to press on after disappointment. The reason for those insecurities can be many: a past attempt that didn’t work out, a person whose words left a scar or maybe something you’ve done in the past that you have not forgiven yourself for. These are lies and we must stop believing them.

I had to stop believing the lies I told myself in order to start this journey. I’ve learned to take three actions towards overcoming the lies I believed:

  1. Identify the lie: we speak obvious lies over ourselves daily. Some in fun, others not even realizing it. Whatever the lie is, be honest with yourself and call it out!!!
  2. Replace the lie with truth: It may be awkward at first but once you begin to speak out loud the truth it becomes second nature. Who cares if people think you’re talking to yourself… YOU ARE!!!
  3. Affirm the truth daily: Find a quote, a bible verse or maybe even a compliment someone gave you! Write it down in a journal, on the mirror or set a reminder on your phone. Whatever you do get into the habit of speaking positive affirmations. What I love about affirmations is they can be anything!!! My personal affirmation this week is

“Bubbling Brooke is MINE. My concrete Rose for all to see”

Did me realizing I was telling myself lies happen overnight? Nope? Will there be others that surface? You better know it! Am I having to daily be intentional about replacing the lie with truth? All day every day!

With all the love I’ve received just for taking the step I would be foolish to not equip myself for the criticism and the doubts and even insults that can easily plant a seed of insecurity.  One thing I know for sure is that I worked extremely hard to mature into who I am today. I fought myself for that realization.

#PSA No validation needed!!

The women we are today and are becoming is not for anyone else to validate based upon what we have accomplished, or how many mistakes we’ve made or how we look. It is not wrapped up in what we do or do not possess. As the days continue I gain more confidence because this is more than a blog! This is a victory and while I know there are many out there, doing and saying similar things. That’s irrelevant!  Bubbling Brooke will look like me, what I post will sound like me and overall the entire vibe will love like me. I am not striving for perfection but it will be done with excellence and as I grow, so will it!

I now know that what inspires you will drive you! There is absolutely nothing else for it to do. So when the lie surfaces I’ll be ready!

Leave a comment with your affirmation for the week!! I’d love to read them!!

 

BB

 

 

 

 

#PSA

#PSA

When I decided to start Bubbling Brooke I realized I needed to categorize certain posts that will keep the vision the focal point. One that will force me, when I am tempted to neglect it, to redirect myself. Ensuring that I continue speaking to the woman still fighting, still growing, still believing! The woman like me.

What I kept coming back to was Pretty Smart & Affirmed (PSA).
The problem was that I was not sure why those words rang so loud. Why was I stuck on using them together?

I love confirmation!!! Don’t you?

Saturday I went to see the movie Hidden Figures alone. Yes, the all-important “take yourself on a date” situation. If you aren’t familiar with the movie, it tells the story of three brilliant women of color, Katherine G. Johnson, Mary Jackson and Dorothy Vaughan and how their extraordinary intelligence, played a vital role in the success of NASA during the 60’s.

But they were so much more than just brilliant.

I laughed. I cried. I rolled my eyes in disgust. Surely this was inevitable. The setting took place in the 60’s when there was a great deal of oppression and discrimination people of color endured. Fast forward to 2017 and well,  I’m still rolling my eyes in disgust  but…that’s another post for another day. I am not offering a review on the movie so I’ll just recommend seeing it.

The longer the movie went on each woman helped me answer my question of “Why?”.

  • Mary, was pretty, waist snatched and sassy. But she was so much more
  • Katherine, was smart. Nah, she was a mathematical genius. But she was so much more.
  • Dorothy, was big mama in her personality. She took care of everyone, affirming their abilities. But she was so much more.

And then it hit me. We are all, Pretty, Smart and Affirmed!!!  Unfortunately, our beauty, intelligence and capabilities are areas where we struggle the most with insecurity, frustration and feelings of defeat. Whether it’s proving that you’re more than just a pretty face or realizing that you’re a beautiful woman. Or, maybe you’re not being accepted by those in the workplace who are intimidated by your intelligence. On the flip side, is it that you’re a boaster and could practice some humility? Maybe, you’re always speaking life into others, making sure they realize their abilities. Yet you’re still struggling to do so for yourself and could use a pep talk with the woman in the mirror!

In the PSA posts we’ll talk beauty. We’ll talk career. We’ll talk the importance of daily affirmations. I truly believe you are what you think and most definitely what you allow that fiery tongue to SPEAK! The goal is not to have everyone agree with me on every topic but to get us talking about these things openly, and honestly. Even the seemingly simple decisions come from a place deep within us. As I did over the weekend let us cultivate a heart that asks the soul-searching question of “why?” Why ask why? Because only you know the answer.

Is there a decision you need to make, or one you’ve recently made where you need to ask yourself “why” before moving forward?

And don’t worry, I promise to hold myself accountable in speaking to the PSA (Pretty Smart & Affirmed) woman in all of us!

Have a great week!!

BB