BtweenUs| Me & Feminism; Owning My Position

 

One of the hardest obstacles to overcome for me at times has been accepting and owning the feeling of indifference towards certain culture initiatives. Especially, when it feels as if the entire world has formed a coalition that makes you feel as if you’re seemingly in complete contrast to their cause. You become the enemy.

I grew up in a predominately female family. My grandmother is 90 years old looking 70 still rocking her painted nails, gemstone jewelry and all while owning her” it’s all about me” attitude. Let me see 90 you can bet I’ll be a problem. The traditional family is not what I saw growing up. Although my father and mother were married majority of my child hood my mother was a single parent. My Aunties were single mothers as well except for one. Most of my cousins are women, and I have two sisters. So “Girl Power” is a way of life for me and always has been. I remember vividly, my mother getting dressed for work. She had this dark wooded vanity mirror. She’d drink a coke and listen to Anita Baker. My favorite memory was her putting on her  red lipstick and stockings. All I could think of was “that’s what I want to do …be a grown woman, drink coke, wear red lipstick, listen to Anita baker and most of all wear stockings.” No lie. She was super woman to me. She still is! But my viewing her as super woman was never a result of feeling like she was oppressed because of her singleness and her having to raise three girls with heads full of hair, with three different personalities.  Not because of her having to work the 3 to 11 shift which caused her to not be able to pick us up from school or even be home when it was time for bed. Sometimes we’d go to go to work with her though!  I never saw that as her being given the short end of the stick. None of our struggles made me feel like my mama was living in an unjust world towards women. Although that may have been true. I know it was hard, and she sacrificed so much for my sisters and me. I just saw her doing what she does; Conquer the world!

Part of that meant she never missed a basketball game, or a track meet, or an awards show, school program or a teacher conference or anything else that involved her children. There was absolutely nothing more important to her than us, not even her job! Today career is everything to women and I understand the drive for success, the inequality that we deal with and overall the way women in general are viewed. I’ve experienced it first-hand but at the same time I had an example of resilience and strength and sacrifice that has shaped my view of what a woman is! Nothing can destroy that. I didn’t agree with every choice she made as I got older, and I gave her all the hell I could unfortunately. My mama never bad mouthed my father to me or uttered the words “I don’t need a man” which would’ve planted a totally different seed of perception in me. She may have expressed her frustrations but she did not plant that seed of resentment. Her encouragement towards me and my sisters was always in direct response to what we wanted to do. She did not focus on who was going tell me I couldn’t. There was no need to tell me I needed to be a “feminist” or down talk men (not all do) for not handling their business. She was silent in ways that allowed me to form my own perception and take my position.  I still don’t know what a feminist is and I will never refer to myself as one. Yes, I agree with some of the issues addressed, of course I do. But some I don’t. Others I’m not even sure what the issue is. You ask five different self-proclaimed feminists what it means and you’ll get five different answers.  The truth is that I’m usually indifferent to these “movements” because you must understand the root to fully recognize the fruit that it is designed to produce.

While I know, this isn’t the only subject addressed it’s a constant topic of discussion and one I have had on several occasions.  I’d be a liar if I said that I do not feel as if the home is the primary focus of a woman who chooses to have a family. I wholeheartedly feel that way! Shame on me I guess. This is not to say we should not strive for professional greatness. Go get what you want! It is not to say that I do not realize there is inequality in corporate America that women face. Most importantly let’s be clear, that my position on the matter is NOT saying I feel women should not work. Why would I feel that way in the first place coming from a single parent home? My point is, what good am I as a chief executive, fighting for a spot at the board room table if the demands of my position require me to have a nanny or some other form of childcare that spends more time with my family than I do. That just does not appeal to me and I hope it never does. Yet I’m not so far removed from the realities. Via the family group chat on those days I find myself at work until 8pm, I’ll send a text saying something like

“So, which one of y’all gonna be picking my baby up from daycare on these days if necessary?”

Don’t get me wrong I realize some circumstances call for long periods of separation between a mother and her family due to her working 2 and 3 jobs or going to school but those are “seasons” not desired choices for long term. It’s sad but in these types of discussions I’ve had to intentionally clarify that because the feminist of the year would come for me saying I’m stuck in the 30’s or something …LOL! It’s almost as if you’re either team feminist, pump your fist in the air, compete with every man you see yelling “anything you can do I can do and better” or you’re against all women. Or you don’t care about what’s happening. That couldn’t be further from the truth.  I speak from this side of the coin from experience. First thing you should know about me is that I am all for the beautiful design of womanhood. What I’ve learned is that this is where the conversation must begin with me. It is my root.

My view of womanhood may not be the same as the next woman. So, if we’re going to march for the rights of ALL women how about easing up on those who may not hold the same position as you and is quite alright in her indifference towards having to be labeled a feminist during this age in order to be politically correct. Furthermore, would prefer not to be.  This doesn’t make her your enemy in the fight for women’s rights and equality. 

Nevertheless, I loved seeing all the women come together this past weekend across the nation voicing themselves during the women’s march protests. It was inspiring to see all the courage!! I am all about courage. Besides, it’s what I saw daily as she got dressed, drank her coke, put on her red lipstick and stockings, with Anita Baker filling the air.

Keep being strong and courageous beautiful women no matter your position.

BB