BtweenUs | Family Foundation For Friendships

Relationships, religion and politics are my three least favorite topics to discuss in general! They to me are the most intimate and important conversations we can have with one another. They can get real deep real quick. Btween Us was the original name I wanted for the blog but opted out. Instead I decided that I’d share my thoughts on those topics in this category!

Relationships of any kind are complex even in their simplicity. From family to friendships and of course those involving the one we “love”. Each holds a piece of us that must be nurtured. That nurturing begins and ends with us! It’s all perspective.

Our family is responsible for the first emotions we experience in this life! They’re our first joys, reason for laughter, tears and heartbreaks. I know I’ve had my share of responsibility for the latter.  Nevertheless, every other relationship is built off the foundation family lays. My parents are divorced and I have two sisters. I’m the infamous middle child. Make of that what you please. I have some difficulty explaining the dynamics of our relationship. But it’s that dynamic that for me makes it great! We’re close but we each live our own lives. We’re all so different but the same! I can’t help but to conclude that how I view relationships of any kind is because of the bond I have with my family. For every poor decision someone has forgiven me for I learned the magnitude of forgiveness. For every tear, they’ve comforted me behind I realized what genuineness can do to a hurting person. For all my flaws, they’ve accepted about me I’ve experienced unconditional love.

Friendships, like family are our first of many! They’re just as important. In that the bond reaches a place in us empowering the relationships to build and break. I’ve been blessed to have had some good friends in these 33 years. I do not remember there being a time where I felt as if I did not have at least one friend. Looking back, I realize how crucial that was.

The hardest topic I’ve ever wrote about was the end of a relationship. Even though my siblings and I have argued and said hurtful things, I’ve been extremely upset with my parents and have had my heart broken. The hardest relationship demise for me to overcome was the one I had with my best friend. That’s one kind of relationship that ends for a young girl or woman that I believe are the hardest to overcome. It’s the fact that after being everything they’re no longer in your life. Whether it be a bitter ending or just one that ran its course. They hurt. The most.

It’s one of those lessons you may be messed up behind for a while. Experiencing all kinds of emotions trying to figure out how this happened. We are dependent on others for so much that it takes separation to understand that codependency is real.

I don’t understand women who desire not to have in the words of Forest Gump as he described Bubba, one ” best good friend” We can live without a man but not a girl-friend in my opinion. I’ve learned that even with sisters you still may need that other companion who you trust with everything. Your highs and lows, heartaches and true loves! There’s a certain kind of peace you experience in knowing that there’s this other girl/woman not related to you who is ok with all your crazies and attitudes and understands your fears, related to your insecurities! No matter how different the two of you may be there’s a best good friend that makes trusting easy.

When that ends. It’s a deep hurt. Confusion may even set in but what comes out of it is something you must cherish. Something that if you never experience it again there was a love you shared that at the end of the day may last a lifetime. I often use this quote from a song by Tupac called “Unconditional Love”

“With you and me it’s all “G” we could never be enemies, cause you’ve been such a good friend to me”

The foundation laid by my family relationship plays a huge part in how I nurture all other relationships.  No matter the degree of friendship I may have experienced with someone, just because our season comes to an end I don’t forget who was a good friend to me. There’s so much bickering and competition amongst women these days that it may be time for us to let down those guards and open ourselves to genuine friendships. Ones that feed our souls and fill our hearts with something irreplaceable. Even if only for a season.

Be a good friend this week. Someone’s depending on you!

BB

 

 

 

 

 

For The First Time In My Life

Since I introduced Bubbling Brooke two weeks ago, I have been filled with all kinds of emotions. I have felt everything from gratefulness to anxiety and of course a little self-doubt.  Ok maybe more than a little.

But, to keep it all the way 100 for the first time in my adult life I have felt INSPRIED.

Whether we like to admit it or not, we live in an achievement based world for validation.  When you first meet someone probably not soon after the name introductions, the question will be asked, “So, what do you do?” We answer with the excitement levels ranging from enthusiasm to straight up grunts. You can find me somewhere in the middle. Not fully enthused because I’ve always felt I was purposed to do something else besides go to work and pay bills. Let me be clear, I intentionally chose not to use the word “more” because coming from where I come from and the things I’ve done, I have achieved more than I should have and I am forever grateful. In the future I may take y’all on that journey. *Insert Hallelujah praise*

From the big screen to social media there’s someone in our face balling, beautiful or both. If we’re not careful we can succumb to the feeling of discontentment that will lead us to drift further and further away from what inspires us and ultimately who we are destined to be. By nature we’re already discontented souls but the pressures of feeling unaccomplished or undesirable in life can weigh heavy.

Don’t get me wrong, I ‘ve been interested in many things as it relates to my personal growth, career, and even health for the sake of accomplishment.  I’ve even taken steps necessary to get the ball rolling in order to pursue degrees, licenses and complete the infamous Instagram challenges. You know the ones, 21 days of being a vegan just to go eat a steak or Popeye’s on day 22.  Unfortunately, I have left every single one to roll off into the land of nowhere.

For example, in 2013 I went back like I forgot something to finish the remaining hours I needed to obtain my Cosmetology license, a journey that started in 2008.  After scoring a 92 on the Texas written exam on my first attempt I was on my way!! I was determined to finish something I had started for once. Really it was mainly because that’s what everyone said I should be doing. Which I realize now was all the reason I needed to walk away. I purchased my kit and paid for the state board practical test.  Deep inside, I knew I did not want to be a professional hairstylist if the only reason I would is because I was good at it, knowing that my heart was not in it. In all actuality I did not prefer it over my current 9 to 5.  So once again, I dropped the ball and let it roll off into the land of nowhere. Leaving me to think I was not capable of seeing something through.

That was the lie I told myself. That was the lie I believed. No one has ever told me that. All my family and friends supported me. So why did I plant that seed and water it for so long?

What I know now is there was no inspiration involved. Some people are disciplined enough to do things they may not really feel anything for. I need to feel it and feel it deeply. That’s just who I am…not how I am. For many like me, what happens is that our insecurities come block what we need from ourselves to press on after disappointment. The reason for those insecurities can be many: a past attempt that didn’t work out, a person whose words left a scar or maybe something you’ve done in the past that you have not forgiven yourself for. These are lies and we must stop believing them.

I had to stop believing the lies I told myself in order to start this journey. I’ve learned to take three actions towards overcoming the lies I believed:

  1. Identify the lie: we speak obvious lies over ourselves daily. Some in fun, others not even realizing it. Whatever the lie is, be honest with yourself and call it out!!!
  2. Replace the lie with truth: It may be awkward at first but once you begin to speak out loud the truth it becomes second nature. Who cares if people think you’re talking to yourself… YOU ARE!!!
  3. Affirm the truth daily: Find a quote, a bible verse or maybe even a compliment someone gave you! Write it down in a journal, on the mirror or set a reminder on your phone. Whatever you do get into the habit of speaking positive affirmations. What I love about affirmations is they can be anything!!! My personal affirmation this week is

“Bubbling Brooke is MINE. My concrete Rose for all to see”

Did me realizing I was telling myself lies happen overnight? Nope? Will there be others that surface? You better know it! Am I having to daily be intentional about replacing the lie with truth? All day every day!

With all the love I’ve received just for taking the step I would be foolish to not equip myself for the criticism and the doubts and even insults that can easily plant a seed of insecurity.  One thing I know for sure is that I worked extremely hard to mature into who I am today. I fought myself for that realization.

#PSA No validation needed!!

The women we are today and are becoming is not for anyone else to validate based upon what we have accomplished, or how many mistakes we’ve made or how we look. It is not wrapped up in what we do or do not possess. As the days continue I gain more confidence because this is more than a blog! This is a victory and while I know there are many out there, doing and saying similar things. That’s irrelevant!  Bubbling Brooke will look like me, what I post will sound like me and overall the entire vibe will love like me. I am not striving for perfection but it will be done with excellence and as I grow, so will it!

I now know that what inspires you will drive you! There is absolutely nothing else for it to do. So when the lie surfaces I’ll be ready!

Leave a comment with your affirmation for the week!! I’d love to read them!!

 

BB

 

 

 

 

#PSA

#PSA

When I decided to start Bubbling Brooke I realized I needed to categorize certain posts that will keep the vision the focal point. One that will force me, when I am tempted to neglect it, to redirect myself. Ensuring that I continue speaking to the woman still fighting, still growing, still believing! The woman like me.

What I kept coming back to was Pretty Smart & Affirmed (PSA).
The problem was that I was not sure why those words rang so loud. Why was I stuck on using them together?

I love confirmation!!! Don’t you?

Saturday I went to see the movie Hidden Figures alone. Yes, the all-important “take yourself on a date” situation. If you aren’t familiar with the movie, it tells the story of three brilliant women of color, Katherine G. Johnson, Mary Jackson and Dorothy Vaughan and how their extraordinary intelligence, played a vital role in the success of NASA during the 60’s.

But they were so much more than just brilliant.

I laughed. I cried. I rolled my eyes in disgust. Surely this was inevitable. The setting took place in the 60’s when there was a great deal of oppression and discrimination people of color endured. Fast forward to 2017 and well,  I’m still rolling my eyes in disgust  but…that’s another post for another day. I am not offering a review on the movie so I’ll just recommend seeing it.

The longer the movie went on each woman helped me answer my question of “Why?”.

  • Mary, was pretty, waist snatched and sassy. But she was so much more
  • Katherine, was smart. Nah, she was a mathematical genius. But she was so much more.
  • Dorothy, was big mama in her personality. She took care of everyone, affirming their abilities. But she was so much more.

And then it hit me. We are all, Pretty, Smart and Affirmed!!!  Unfortunately, our beauty, intelligence and capabilities are areas where we struggle the most with insecurity, frustration and feelings of defeat. Whether it’s proving that you’re more than just a pretty face or realizing that you’re a beautiful woman. Or, maybe you’re not being accepted by those in the workplace who are intimidated by your intelligence. On the flip side, is it that you’re a boaster and could practice some humility? Maybe, you’re always speaking life into others, making sure they realize their abilities. Yet you’re still struggling to do so for yourself and could use a pep talk with the woman in the mirror!

In the PSA posts we’ll talk beauty. We’ll talk career. We’ll talk the importance of daily affirmations. I truly believe you are what you think and most definitely what you allow that fiery tongue to SPEAK! The goal is not to have everyone agree with me on every topic but to get us talking about these things openly, and honestly. Even the seemingly simple decisions come from a place deep within us. As I did over the weekend let us cultivate a heart that asks the soul-searching question of “why?” Why ask why? Because only you know the answer.

Is there a decision you need to make, or one you’ve recently made where you need to ask yourself “why” before moving forward?

And don’t worry, I promise to hold myself accountable in speaking to the PSA (Pretty Smart & Affirmed) woman in all of us!

Have a great week!!

BB

What Took You So Long?

I am not the most decisive person.

In fact, I overthink even the simplest decisions. It’s ridiculous! As far as I can remember I’ve procrastinated with so many things, simply because I could not make up my mind. What I’ve learned in recent years is that it is not that I do not know what I want. I know exactly what I want. The problem is that I have been afraid of expectation. I do not want to disappoint, even if it is not something I particularly want to do. I do not like conflict, contrary to popular belief depending on who you ask. I absolutely cannot handle being misunderstood. So as best as I can, I’ve avoided making any decisions that will put me in a situation where this can occur. To be honest in so many ways it has been to my own detriment. And yet, it has brought me so far in learning myself.

Looking back I missed so many opportunities because I allowed this cancer called insecurity to have so much control over my decision making. I know we like to say “what’s meant to be will be” and while I do believe this to be true, the fact of the matter is, we do miss what could be if we choose to go the other way. If we choose not to follow our intuition, we can miss something. While we may still reach the goal at some point, the journey itself can look a lot different than it would, had we chosen otherwise. Would it have been easier or more difficult, we may never know.

For me, I can’t help but think that it has definitely been a more difficult journey. Some of us need that to grow. It has caused me to wrestle within for so long. With every decision I did not make, that I know I should have, or a goal I left unfinished I added to the struggle that did not have to be. It became more and more difficult for me to overcome these fears of disappointment and the stronghold that insecurity had on me.

I rarely share my deepest thoughts.

I have always used writing as a means to express how I feel. It has long been my outlet. How to adequately express myself in verbal conversation has never been my strongpoint. Unless of course I was angry, then I could tell you and anyone else who needed to be told exactly how I felt, and how they felt at the same time as a matter of fact. Somehow, this indecisive woman, who was afraid to disappoint, has always had a way with words that allowed me to bring all those thoughts together in such a way that made sense to me. I would feel almost crazy in my thoughts, but once I began to write it was like a puzzle, the pieces coming together beautifully.

My thoughts that become written words are very special to me. However, writing is the very thing that I feel the most compelled to do at this point in my life. Not to just keep writing, but to share. Will this make me some eloquent writer equipped to express myself so deep that I can give my muse Zora Neale Hurston a run for her money? I wish! Will I go on to become an influential woman of this current day? Who knows? Is this platform going to revolutionize the communication between women who may not agree on everything, but somehow form a sisterhood we so need right now, to realize the power of our influence in our homes, work places, churches and anywhere else it can be felt. I pray it does.

Bubbling Brooke derives from a desire to spark conversations between mother and daughter, sisters, best friends and even the most casual of encounters. In hopes that we will dig deep, ask ourselves those hard questions, and be brutally honest about our insecurities and heartbreaks. All the while adjusting our crowns when they tilt and if they so happen to fall off, never being afraid to pick them back up.

Over the years I have found that it is very necessary to create something that comes from your soul. Something that only you know is a gift from God. It is the gift of expression to heal yourself, and others if you can. In retrospect I can see so many moments, while insignificant on their own, collectively they’ve brought me here, to a place of vulnerability. Once I allowed myself to feel that vulnerability without the fear of disappointment, the chains began to loosen. There can be no stronghold where you accept the one thing about yourself the enemy wants you to deny and then use against you.

—–

So, what took me so long?

I was not ready to say “yes” to the pull that prompted me to share the one thing that I held dear. The one thing I could control and yet could cause me to be the most misunderstood.

I was not ready to share my words.

Truth is, maybe I am still not ready for what will become of this new journey. What I do know is that I have made up my mind. And for me, that alone is a victory in itself.

BB